Planning to start again…

How often in life do you get to plan a fresh start, with the knowledge of what lies ahead? In less than I week my husband will have his weight loss surgery. He will start his journey with is VSG. And he has the benefit of living with me and sharing my knowledge. While I’m excited to share my knowledge with him, I’m meeting resistance!!! WHAT? yep! I am! REALLY!

The man went to his pre-surgical meeting at the doctor’s office. He met with the surgeon’s team, the surgeon and their nutritionist. Now, I have to tell you, I love our surgeon. I do. I love the office and the support there. BUT… I do not agree with certain things that they teach. For instance… two flinstones vitamins a day? Really. Somebody please tell me how a child’s vitamin in a 400lb male body is sufficient? Now break it down to a post WLS body and tell me how it even begins to match up to what is needed. It doesn’t. Its dangerous information.  While I won’t pick apart every single aspect of what I disagree with, I will say that I have lived this life, done the research, met the experts and pride myself on the knowledge that I have. BUT… this man has gone to ONE meeting and is telling ME how things have to be.

I should sit back and not argue. I should let him take the lead in his own weight loss journey. I should let him find his own way. Right? Or… should I step in and beg him to listen?

I’m honestly a little befuddled. I don’t want to come across as strong arming the boy. I don’t want to come across as knowing better… but uh, I KNOW BETTER. Hello! I’ve struggled, I’ve lived it.. I am living it. YOU have MET my people! This man has been talked to about nutrition, about post WLS life, about just about everything… in a manner that has been casual and not about him. So why can’t he apply what he already knows to be true to his own life? UGH! I’m frustrated! I’m going to sick some of my folks on him!

So, ladies and gents….. your advice? Do I approach this as if I were approaching one of you? Do I tell him what I know to be true and tell him what I know is bad advice and what has been helpful? Do I STFU and let my friends do it? Or do I just let him fumble his way through the first few post op months on his own? (I wish I knew then what I knew now. He has the chance to have better knowledge than I did. Better insight. I wish I had a first hand perspective back then. I wish I knew.)


4 thoughts on “Planning to start again…

  1. Is it possible to talk to his doc? Ask him what his reasoning is? Did they give you the same instructions?

    I know that I can tell my husband about something, but then if he hears it from someone ELSE down the line, it’s like he’s heard it for the first time from them. hel-LO??

    So I don’t know if that’s how your husband is. Kind of ‘in one ear and out the other’ kind of thing when it comes to you telling him. I would just see if you could chat with the doc, or his nurse, or someone on the team…

  2. If he’s like my husband, he will resist everything you say and only listen to his doctors and other medical personnel. I would pick your battles. Just make sure he doesn’t do anything dangerous, like not take good supplements. Otherwise, it’s his journey and many people have done it differently than me and succeeded so I try to be mellow about it even when they are spouting nonsense.

  3. As hard as it is for us to want to step in and correct the “knowledge” we have because we’ve been living this life and have learned a few things, sometimes we have to think of it in terms of how we would a child learning to walk! They’re going to fall but it’s how they learn to pay attention and get back up! I remember sitting in the nutrition seminar with DH and hearing all the WRONG information they were giving these people and wanting to scream NO!!! I spoke up a few times and the woman speaking was clearly annoyed but there are some things you just HAVE to speak up about! It is his journey and he’ll do it a bit differently than you have and that’s not a bad thing! There are things you will want to pick your battles with and some things like vitamins are worth the resistance you may get! I wanted SO badly to correct everything DH was or wasn’t doing but there were and still are things I just need to let him figure out on his own! His experience is different than mine! I try to give him advise and guidance without telling him he HAS to do it a certain way! I’ll ask him if he’s gotten in all his fluids, protein and his vitamins and get onto him if he passes it off as not a big deal!
    It may help him to hear it from one of your friends! Being that we’re the wife, they tend to take it as nagging or trying to micromanage what they’re doing and it can hurt the male ego and cause conflict! I don’t think you’d sit back and let him fall so far his health is in jeopardy but there are a LOT of things you’ll have to just let him figure out the hard way as much as you want to say something because you’ve been there and you KNOW…he’s got to get it for himself!! He’ll get to a place where “his way” isn’t working the way he wanted it to or thought it would and he’ll turn to you for guidance and help!

  4. Treat him like your husband. This is his journey, let him lead it. He is a smart guy (he married you didn’t he! ) he knows where to ask if he wants your opinions!

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