Broke, Broke and Mad

My husband is our soul income. Work has been slow. I planned on finding a job as a waitress for weekends, but I have been a neurological mystery and am not fit to apply for a new job as I am right now.  We are broke, I am broke, and it is driving us mad. As in crazy. As in, we need income so that I can continue to see doctors and still be able to be home for my children, especially my medically fragile child. We need income to do these things so that we can stay sane.

BROKE: AKA lacking funds. AKA poor.


deviant art by WelissaM

I am broken (headaches and leg pain, cranky gut  issues, cranky ass husband syndrome), my laptop is broken (the connector to it is cracked.), this is driving me insane therefore I am mad.

this sucker is the bane of my existance

The insanity is running rampant as the hubby is home more often, and funds are low. My normal escape route is my laptop, which I apparently have an addiction to. Addicted to the laptop? But Michelle, you have an iphone and TWO desktops in the house. Surely you can connect?!

Yes, yes I CAN get connected. BUT… clearly I am spoiled. Sitting at a desk top is sort of claustrophobic. I feel like I’m in the corner. Wait, I sort of AM in a corner, facing a wall, with my back to the world. How did I live like this for so long prior to the laptop?

So, I am cranky, the husband is home and cranky, the majority of the children are in school. We can sit in the house and stare at each other, while anxious and annoyed or we could GO OUT. So, we go out. Where do we go? To stores, where we have little funds to purchase anything other than groceries. Which adds to the stress, which makes me want to eat, which makes me panic, which makes us go home. And when I get home? MY FREAKING LEGS ARE KILLING ME!

Wait! They make a pill for that!

we can just go numb, right?

Oh wait, my pill for that is codeine. I prefer to be cranky, weak and nervous.

I am admittedly a whiney mess. I have not talked to many people these last few days, because all that comes out of my brain is WHINE WHINE WHINE. This is not fun, nor is it who I am. But I am blogging about it, because it is me and this is my reality. <— those two sentences are an oximoron.

As always I will remind myself and you, that there is a bright side. Kailey didn’t get admitted to the hospital on Saturday. Her brain is fine, although achey. My children are fed, happy and bright. I have a roof over my head that is much easier to keep afloat than the old house would have been in similar times.

My husband being home has its upside. We get to spend some time together, discussing options, forming plans of action, bonding. He will be having his WLS soon, and we are able to get a little more in depth when discussing that, because I’m harping on him about it. Because I’m bored. But these things need said and discussed, so.. bright side… they have been.

VSGMOM confesses to being absolutely bat shit crazy. Thanks.




4 thoughts on “Broke, Broke and Mad

  1. Oh Honey Bun….I had a thought that sprung to mind last night that stuck with me today. Another one that has been in the back of my mind for a few weeks. We need to talk, I’ll know more after my appt tomorrow. Hang in there. You are STRONGER than you give yourself credit for. The Dr’s will get to the bottom of what ails you and get you some fixes.!! I loves you!

  2. You say whiny batshit crazy like it’s a bad thing. I thought I invented it. I know I’ve mastered it.Seriously, though Michelle, sometimes,it’s when we struggle the most we have to get it out and be ok with that. I fell apart quite spectacularly, because while I whine a lot now, people who don’t get me don’t realize I am not still not getting straight to the point of what I am actually truly hurting about. And when I was in my most crisis state, years ago while I had internet access, I had isolated myself and my children, because I was too afraid to show my broken parts.
    I know someone like me, for someone who has worked so hard like you have had, and have had the struggles and this isn’t meant to come off as condescending and strange at the same time as it might sound, when I whine on mutual friends boards it’s offensive. I don’t have the responsibility most people have at my age, and that I should, anymore. Why I have respect for people who don’t necessarily like me, as long as they aren’t disrespectful to me, is I strangely have more empathy (not that you are asking for it,from me or anyone, as I get in a lot of trouble with my assumptions) then most people realize if they can get past the wordy whiny part of me, and realize I say what I do to try and make up for what happened in my life as it applies to wls,mh issues and complications, so other people feel it’s ok to talk about it. I am not saying I am influencing anyone, it’s just why I do what I do, and why I give you credit for doing what you do.
    What I am getting at is that I don’t know you personally very well, I do know based upon what I see and truly believe is real about you, is you are an amazing mother, wife and friend. I understand and respect why you won’t write a book about Kailey, I hope though you realize when you share what you have shared you make it easier for others to do that. I hope you realize I don’t follow too closely too many people in the wlsworld, I can’t I would lose my mind, I admire your tenacity, your wisdom and your wit, just like with Beth. I am not sorry for what I said, I do apologize it took 8 million words to write it.

  3. Yeah well I miss you not talking to me!!!!
    Fundage inadequacies SUCK.

    And there is only so much time a woman can spend at home with the husband. I get down right bitchy after an entire day.

    And you aren’t a whiner. Sometimes, things suck but every time you pull yourself up and say, hey major suckitude, this is what I am going to do to combat you. It doesn’t follow you everywhere you go time after time after time 😀

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